In memoriam Rufina Fernandes 1944-2007




Dear Mum,
Words cannot express my gratitude, my love for you. As a child, I never really understood nor comprehended the gravity of the things you did for me because.. well, you were mum. You were a superhero that made the impossible, possible. Even with the weight of the world on your shoulders, you still managed to keep me high above the stampede. You nursed me when I was injured and when I was sick, introduced me to my biggest love, and showed me what love was. My inspiration, my teacher, my angel. For that, I will always be indebted to you.
Even though it's been 10 years today since you have been gone, you will forever live on through my memories, my actions, my words and my loves. I love you, i miss you, always thinking of you.
Your piglet,
Carlos (the little baby in the picture)


10 years ago …
But, wasn’t it just yesterday

On a summer’s night, late night, in Kenya, A soft, gentle breeze kisses, caresses my face,
I feel soft, gentle familiar palm, loving fingers …Or is that your baby-skinned face, your nose
Your lips, brushing against mine, I think I hear a gentle whisper in my ear,
And then a warm flush of air, like your breath…
And the tingle in my ear makes a blush come quickly, and I am shakin’ all over

And I am smiling, that lovin’ kind of smiling

The genteel satisfaction of being loved by you, I am aglow in your presence,
And I am born again, Many thousands of times, each time your smiling face
Showers me with the love only you can give

I am seating at the seaside, our favourite place In Sydney, Australia
We’ve been here again, and again, I can see your face light up
Like a huge tracking spotlight, All 32 teeth in full view, cheeks aglow
Eyes lit up, like two from the twinkling universe in the night sky

And why not? You just landed your favourite bream; you are going to eat it tonight,
Lightly pan-fried, washed down with that favourite bottle of sparkling white
And you can’t stop smiling, Thank you, you say, for a brilliant day … Yes!

Last night we danced, and danced, our hearts out, the way we have always done
In our own special way, the jive, hipshakinsweetsoul music, those cheek-to-cheek
Songs …wrapped around each other, lips lightly touching, stealing kisses,
Silly sweet nothings in your ear, stop it, people will talk …
And we went to bed, after a night cap, still smiling

I thought it was you I heard in the garden, I looked again, crooked an ear,
And your voice was gone, Oh no, it was the birds singing,
And I thought it was you …I see your smiles in your roses, sometimes they speak
And say I should really look after the garden, one of these days, one of these days.

You are in my bed, skin-to-skin, in my dreams, and me in yours, I can see your dreams
I can hear you singing with the radio in the car, or in the front room
Or saying “name that singer”, “name that song”
You are with me first thing at dawn and the last thing at night before I switch off the radio


I spend all of my days with you and it is a kind of bliss, And, once in a while,
There is a reminder; you have been gone some 10 years,
Wasn’t it just yesterday … we were loving each other?
Yes, our love lives on … just as you live on in the hearts of Andi, Leon, Carl,
Your family, our friends, and everyone who knew you, will never forget

And as long as you continue to whisper in my ear, I will try and hum Little Green Apples …
A little off key, a little out of tune, a little out of time, but your harmonizing will fix that!

Love you, always.